Let me begin by saying that I was tired this morning. Not necessarily physically tired like one would think by having to be at church by 7AM. I was tired of the mouthing back, the not listening and the overall entitlement attitudes my kids were giving me. These last 2 days have been torture. Ugh...these kids NEED to go back to school. I'm so glad that school starts back Tomorrow....PRAISE JESUS!
Ever feel like no matter what you are saying to your kids that nothing seems to be sinking in?? Yesterday, I was trying to put away all my Christmas decorations and my kids were just underfoot driving me nuts. Why can't they just go play? They are 6 and 8 for crying out loud!! Plus we just had Christmas, go play with your new toys. Everything was a struggle, they were fighting, they were bored, they wanted to watch TV...which by the way, they had already watched enough of. I finally told them if they ask to watch TV again that its gone for the rest of the day. Of course Garrett asked me again....really... do they not get it? Now I was done...they were grounded from the TV for the rest of the day. I looked at the clock, it was like 11:30 am. GREAT! Now the sassiness began. I cannot stand the way they feel so entitled...that's not how I thought we were raising them. I was asked how come daddy gets to watch TV but they can't? Their attitudes were awful and I'm sure I eventually sent them to their rooms because I couldn't stand them talking to me anymore.
So as I headed out to worship team this morning, I prayed for God to speak to me. It was rainy outside, cold and 6:45 am. I'm not sure I had the best attitude as I went in but was willing to give it a shot. We sang One Thing Remains which talks about how Christ's love for us never fails and never gives up on us. I love the line where is says "It overwhelms and satisfies my soul." I want to feel Christ's love satisfying me everyday and in everything I do. That flowed into a new song Never Once: at this point I completely lost it and felt like I was smacked upside the head. The chorus goes "Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God You are Faithful."
God has never left my side!! Of course I knew that...BUT how many times do I REALLY feel that way?!?! His love never runs out on me, He is faithful no matter what happens AND He has never left me walking alone?? Whoa, talk about eye opening.
Suddenly yesterday popped into my head. What about MY attitude?? How many times do we just go through the motions of our crazy busy schedules just trying to make it til bedtime? I know I've been there. How many times do I really think about the fact that GOD is walking with us each step of the way and that He has never left my side?? How many times have I yelled at God or given Him a bad attitude because something wasn't "fair" or because the struggle was just too much?? I was no better at listening than my kids were!
Pastor Joel spoke this morning about God's faithfulness and he said "When we see God's faithfulness in the past, it gives us courage and hope for the future." Yes!! I have seen His faithfulness time and time again. He has been by my side every step of the way, so why do I still find it so hard to listen to His voice and hear Him?? One of my 15 for 15 was that I wanted to listen for His voice in my life. Meanwhile, I have been praying that God would show me a word that would be my "word of the year." All along I thought I knew what that word was going to be, but today hearing Listening over and over again I realized that "LISTEN" is my word. Pastor Joel also said that "Every step in our spiritual transformation begins with listening." So that being said....I am stepping out in courage and trusting in His faithfulness as I begin this journey of listening for His voice!
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